My Dirty Little Secret
by EraTomo
Summary: A collection of exerps from diaries of the cast of Naruto's. For humor only. Main diary Gaara's
1. Gaara's Diary

My Dirty Little Secret -- Gaara's Diary

It reads,

'I have to tell someone, or _something_ this or I'll explode! I have a strange addiction to an old song. It goes...

_What is love?_

_Baby don't hurt me..._

_Don't hurt me..._

_No more._

_Bum bum bum bum ba bum bum bum bum..._

Well, I'm glad that's off my chest.

My hair gives me mood swings. One day, I think it's red, and I love it! The next, I think it's red, and I hate it! Then it's brown! I can't do anything about it though. iIf I did, the fangirls would probably kill me!

When I was ten, I found a kitty, and I hid it in my gourd. I named it 'Smex.'

Smex the kitty!

I don't know what 'smex' means, though. One of my fangirls screamed it at me, so I thought I'd use it.

Love, Gaara'

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So yes all the diaries will be short, scary, weird, and will delve deep into the cast of Naruto's souls. MUAHAHA.

EraTomo


	2. Sasuke's Diary

Sasuke's Dairy

_Glittering hearts litter the cover and the pages inside. In sparkling purple ink, it reads,_

'To tell the truth, my brother is sooo cool! I want to be just like him, so I am now emo. I'll show you how I do it!

Sakura offered me tomatoes, so I took them and ran.

Itachi sux.

Say no to MySpace.

Shut Up!

Well that's all I got, because I'm too busy thinking of someone's nice, soft hair to do anything. Maybe Itachi will have a spontaneous death again! That would be sweet.' _Tear droplets cover this part of the page._

'So I have to leave now.

Bye-bye!

Sasu-chan!' _He doodled a giant, smiling star next to his name._

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EraTomo


	3. Gaara's Poor Kitties

Dear Diary,

Teh Smex is dead...

Now what will I do?! I went out of my way to make the gourd as comfortable as I could, with little sand pillows and everything!

I'm so depressed. All I can do is stare out the window at the desolate street, where it's raining harshly… Wait, what's that? It's… a CAT!

Diary, say hello to Miss/ter FUZZY WUFFLES!

Love, Gaara


	4. Neji's Secrets

Neji's Diary-

So… there is this thing I have to get off my chest. I was about to scream it at Tenten today!

...She beats me every single day. The only reason people think that I beat her is because I use genjustu to make her think she lost.

I'm a sissy.

I also wear pink diapers to bed every night for… health reasons...

Things like those are probably why I was destined to be born into the side branch.

But, it's not just me! Everyone in my clan has something wrong with them! I have my medical condition, and Hinabi's infatuated with Chouji, and Hinata PMSes as if she were the devil herself!

It's not necessarily wrong, it's just…

Down-right-creepy. Dear lord, I think she might be PMSing right now! There's huge stomping noises, and- and why am I still writing in you?

Best wishes Hyuuga Nejiiiiiii.

_The pencil mark scraped to the edge of the page and off it, while there are drool and blood marks in various places._


	5. Sakura's Genjustu

Sakura's Diary

OKay, so, like, today, me n Ino were all, 'omg. we have to traing so we kan impress sauske-kuuun!11' then we got in a huuugeee fight and i so totally beat her butt up, like so bad.

it was awesome. then she used blackmail of the time that i went to sasuke's shower...adn... err... i am ver good with genjutsu... lets just let you think.

Sakura…

_There are a few markings after this. Upon inspecting closer…_

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SASUKE KUN I WILL HAVE YOU IF IT KILLS US! SHANNARO!


	6. Unccey Itachi

Sasuke's Diary 2

Sakura stares at me through mirrors! I think. I was in my bathroom applying a peach cozy to the toilet bowl lid while painting my toenails with that clear sparkling stuff. All of the sudden Sakura came through my window and started to kiss me! I was so shocked I fainted, and when I had woken up I was all alone laying on the floor and there was a note pinned to my head that said **'I will be back.**'

I got scared and called up Unccey Itachi.  
Err.  
Uncanny Kakashi.

Anyways, I called him up and he was all, 'Sasuke!' and I go, 'Itachi!' and we do that weird sunset hug thing while he stabs me in the back with a katana. Just like Unccey Itachi.

Well, then Sakura bursts through the window threatening me with lots of shurikens. Itachi then took her and ran off with her somewhere. Oh well, I suppose that's least of my troubles!

Sasu-chan! 3


	7. Tenten's Suspicion and Confession

Tenten's Diary

Dear diary,

I get the feeling Neji's keeping me from something. That, and…  
I--

I--

I'M RELATED TO BARBIE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT, I SWEAR! I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HER! I'M SO EMBARRASSED THAT NO ONE KNOWS MY LAST NAME!

Wait,

Does Barbie even _have_ a last name?!

NOOOOOO!! IT CANNOT BE TRUEEEEEEEEEEE!


	8. Kiba's New Year Dog

Kiba's Diary

Ever since I taught that—that… DOG how to speak, it hasn't stopped saying 'Happy New Year's!'

See?! There he goes again! HAPPY -censored- NEW YEARSSS!

DEAR -censored- LORD OF THE FLIES!

AHHH, MY DOG!!

P.S. Hinata rocks.

Kiba


	9. Hinata's Going to Be a Star!

Hinata's Journal

Kiba keeps following me -censored- EVERYWHERE!

AND HIS DOG WON'T STOP SAYING HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Well, -censored- Kiba DOGGY STYLE! -censored- HIS -censored- DOG TOO!

-censored- -censored- -censored- THE WORLD! -Censored- HYUUGA! I WANNA BE A -censored- ACTRESS!

THE -censored- STAR!

Hinata-sama


End file.
